So many things I have been thinking of and yet the situation does not permit me to speak it out.

It frightens me how vulnerable we men and guys are to sin and temptations. People who are 'up there' and in the field recognise their danger of falling, and we who are 'normal' going to church on Sundays, and perhaps, lead groups, do not see the danger. And it is those who think they are stable who will fall. Each compromise leads us closer to the edge. I have heard, seen and experienced things that show me clearly the dangers of sexual sin. It doesn't matter if you're a pastor or an overseas worker or a church leader or just one of the normal members, you ARE vulnerable, and if you fail to admit that, you are positioning yourself for a fall.

And I see we don't have an accountability group back in Bethany (not that I know of). Even the overseas workers here are meeting up twice a month to check on one another.

Doing the right thing hurts at times, but look beyond the 'now' and you'll see it's worth it.

Chicken a la Carte

Email I got from Salome a week or so after Weiz showed me this video.

Makes me think of the condition over here. Some regions, the farmers can only grow enough food for half a year, because of the climate and land. They tend to starve the other half so death from starvation isn't an uncommon thing though we might not see it back at home or even in cities here.


A short film about hunger and poverty.

Click on the Link below and see.

This video really touched my heart, hope it touches yours too. =)

After watching the video, let's think about this.
-What can we do to help? For real, not just pity talk.
we may already be so used to being apathetic to the people who suffer alongside us in our society, on a daily basis...
how will we go after the needy, the poor,the widow and so on?
we've got to tear down the walls of religion,
wake up for the call of loving, starting with people near us.
live like Jesus. love like Him.

Chicken a la Carte : Director: Ferdinand Dimadura | Genre: Drama | Produced In: 2005

Synopsis:
This film is about the hunger and poverty brought about by Globalization.
There are 10,000 people dying everyday due to hunger and malnutrition.
This short film shows a forgotten portion of the society.
The people who live on the refuse of men to survive.
What is inspiring is the hope and spirituality that never left this people.

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

关于爱，我们每个人都有不一样的想法。但每个人的想法都未必是对的。和 Gin 谈了后才了解，其实对爱很了解得未必是在谈恋爱或是有过恋爱经验的人。可能是所谓的旁观者清，当局者迷吧。一个平时能够耐心果断地细考问题的人大概面临情感的问题时也比较难以逻辑来解决。感情的事是多么的平常，但在我们周围又有几个人敢向别人提自己的问题？说到底，这是个信任的问题吧。不只是感情，也有很多其他深沉次的问题。

也因如此，我开始在找三种朋友：走在我前方的、和我并肩走的、和走在我后边的。每一种朋友都会带来不一样的友谊，而且都重要。或许我们会问，为何需要回头帮助别人，对我们又有什么好处。在这时刻，我也没有任何的答案，不过我往往在帮助别人时，受益不浅。

我在这又发挥了吸尘机的功效。不过，吃了这么多，我有个问题。到底多跑到哪儿去了!?

A call for update so here it is.

I heard of a story yesterday. There was this worker who came from overseas to share the Word in a particular village. He worked there for years, teaching and sharing with the people there songs and living with the people. Years passed and when World War II broke out, he was killed when the Japanese invaded.

His daughter returned to the village years later when she was already 80+ years old only to find that the work her father had done was lost. The villages still remembered this particular person, and some of the songs he taught, but besides that, nothing changed. The church is being used for something else, only being truly a place of worship on Christmas itself. She was so upset, she wept.

It makes me think, will what I do be burnt to the ground in the end? Would I escape, but just with my life, everything else gone? How does it feel to have all my hard work amount to nothing?

Little did I know I was to feel that exact feeling just later in the evening.

In order to plant more vegetables in the garden plot at the office, the soil had to be tilled. One of the staff, in doing that, destroyed most of the garlic I had been growing and caring for the past weeks. Losing my work wasn't a good feeling; there were feelings of anger and loss. I didn't have to sacrifice my life for these plants, and yet the feelings were intensed. It would be much worse for the daughter.

A passage came to mind with regards to these, plus a comment from a book I was reading just that day.

Unless [He] builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless [He] watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat -
for he grants sleep to those he loves. (or for while they sleep he provides for those he loves)

Of interest is the later part of this chapter (Ps 127) which I only noticed and started to think about recently:

Sons are a heritage from [Him],
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

And this reminds me...

Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:

There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
"For whom am I toiling," he asked,
"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"
This too is meaningless -
a miserable business!
- Ecc 4

Building and standing guard has been linked to sons (and daughters, don't worry sisters). Work is not doing things, but reproducing (you know I'm not talking about multiplying your genes in the biological sense), otherwise, it'll all be meaningless at the end of the day.

And this particular book I was reading just in the morning was talking about whether we are building His kingdom or ours. If we were building His kingdom, even when all my plants and effort was destroyed, as long as I have put in my best, I will not be (too) upset. He gives and He takes away, may His name be praised.

One comment which sounds like a modern day Ecc so I'll state it in that manner, which I think all of you have heard before.

Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:

Young men work and toil at the expense of their health,
and in their old age expend all of it in order to regain it.
This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Staff holidays coming up on Thursday and Friday. One of the staff will be going back to his home village and I'll be going back with him. Living conditions might be harder, but I'll get to try out farming and seeing the rural areas. Excited, but at the same time, a little unwilling to leave the comfort of the city, hahaa.

An English version of my previous post, at the request of a reader.

Not an exact translation of my previous entry but along the same theme and similar in content.

The staff are a fun bunch, and understanding their language, character and background helps build the relationship. I realised, once again, that a little humour and lameness goes a long way in getting people to warm up to me, or in this case, warm up even more. So it's Isaac's lame jokes, Chinese version. I needed to be more proficient at the language, however, so it kind of took a while. I was even quieter, if it were even possible, here during my first 2 months, but an unexpected lame comment, the kind which might make Jia roll her eyes, and the ice breaks.

9 more months. Time is short!

一转眼，我在这里已有了四个月。虽然经历的事也不能说是特别的多，但也有很多机会好好的思想。和本地人的沟通也进步了不少。下关话（这里的方言）其实和普通话（我们所谓的华语）差别也不多。

我发现装疯卖傻是个触近人与人之间的关系的好方法。不是说我们该把自己当成白痴，而是偶尔开个玩笑，不把自己看得太认真。我刚到的时候其实是很静的（哈哈，这很特别吗），比在新加坡还静，但从昆明回来后，也已想通了，要和他们建立起更好的关系，以便更好的服侍他们。祝我能顺利成功吧！

这里很多的年轻人，包括和我一起工作的员工，都是“月光族”。我原以为是因为他们都很晚才睡，但不是的。是因为他们一个月的工资，一个月里就花的清光！

The more I know, the more I realise I don't know. And I fully agree with the quote from Ecc that Uncle Mark posted on his blog. It's a never ending pursuit, and one that sometimes lead to nowhere.

Just realised (and also pointed out by Jia), that I have been exposed a lot to the theories on love, hahaa.

Some things I heard from the couples I met here:

1) Long-distance relationships can work. My boss and his wife developed their relationship while he was over here and she was back in Aust. They met when he went back to attend a friend's wedding, got to know here and maintained their relationship for over a year (if I remember correctly) before getting married and she moved over.

2) Couples can start out disliking each other (like TV shows and movies). This couple who visited us from Aust (also, hahaa) started out disliking each other, and in fact had very different personalities (opposites attract, so they say). It takes more work, but it can work out too.

3) There is a special one for you. The couple of point 2 were brought together by Father. It's a long story, but He brought both of them to the same congre, had people speak to each of them about the other person, and basically led both of them to realise they were meant for each other.

4) Couples can be brought together by Father from different lands, and He can give signs to show that each one that they are meant to for one another. I sat down at the lunch table in time to hear this story of how this couple met each other a few times in different countries. And the guy developed feelings for the girl, but he wasn't sure, so he asked for a sign that if she came over to his place that night (which had never happened before), she's the one. He even went out to stack the odds against him, only to receive a call from the girl saying she had something to discuss with him and was coming over. He confessed his feelings and now they're married with a kid.

Well, I wonder why I keep hearing these stories that break my preconceived notions that these things are just fairy tales. I won't say this is the norm; they may perhaps just be exceptions, but these things can happen. Perhaps this can benefit some of you reading, hahaa.

Another tip for you guys that I heard from my boss today. Girls want to be chased, even after marriage. It does stop at marriage.

Wonder why I'm getting so much exposure to this, or probably because I'm keeping an ear out for these stories? Hahaa, not sure, but sure is interesting, heh.

Gardening and Retreat

Shannen once mentioned that I'm not one to give up easily. I'm not sure how she came to the conclusion, but indeed, I can be quite stubborn when I make up my mind to do or complete something. Not sure if you still remember me mentioning something I found I could do over here, but I did give a little clue some posts back.

It's nothing too exciting or amazing, hahaa, but I started working on the garden in the office building. The staff gave me something easy to start with - garlic and some sweet potato. There was nothing growing out of the ground for almost two weeks after I planted and the staff started commenting, perhaps it's because the garlic was old and had died. I also had my own doubts about the soil since they wash their mops there and all the detergent and dirty water might have killed the soil, but that was only one portion. I continued to water everyday regardless. And the result was growth! Not one, not two, but 5 now. Probably with more watering, I'll see more sprouting.

The staff must be amused to see me planting the seeds of whatever fruit I ate, and to keep watering despite the lack of growth. They even said they'll get me proper seeds since it must be disappointing to see a lack of results.

I also cleared up their backyard, but it's probably too dark to grow plants here. Probably I can transfer trees here after they've grown a bit. A male stuff and I managed to clear a lot of the overgrown plants here and we've turned a 'forest' back into a backyard. I had to cut down some of the bamboo plants and I'm reminded of one of Jacky Chan's lines from one of the Rush Hour movies. "Chinese bamboo. Very strong..."

I just came back from a retreat and initially was wondering how my plants will be. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that more plants had sprouted; especially the seed which I planted in a container and set on my window sill. Previously, a weed was all I got, now, there's a little seedling.

A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps of gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain - first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head.

The speaker for the retreat was a very good one. He talked about Joseph's life and how it applies to people who have left home to work here. I am very sure the BCI people are touched by his words. He spoke of detouring, not reaching the destination directly, but having to move on elsewhere first; of delaying, having to wait and wait for something to happen; of being faithful where we're planted, as Joseph was as a slave and in prison; disappointments and betrayal and yet still have the grace to forgive and serve when we're down ourselves.

He even talked about another thing, being faithful in relationships. I had always wonder how difficult it would be to be faithful if as a single, it's so easy to be attracted to attractive women. Would getting married make it easier? Of course not. It would take work on our part. He was honest in saying that we would still find people who draw us to them, but it would be our job to put distance between as, going against our heart (not following our heart as the saying goes so commonly) and that requires self-discipline.

We had a talent night and amazingly, no 'forcing' was required. People volunteered on their own and I got roped in into a group of youths because they lacked a person. Still don't know why I agreed. Anyway, it was just doing some easy repeated actions, but it was comical. The audiences were laughing away.

Even young kids sang, danced, acted. Kids from primary school to secondary. There were many solo violin recitals as well. The children were amazingly sporting. There were these 2 sisters who even went up repeated times and danced, surprising even their father who was playing the guitar, thinking they were just going to sing, hahaa.

Some of us, 2 sg and lots of Americans went to a nearby cave to explore. I was expected to see some natural wonders but was disappointed. The cave was carved out with steps and lights. Coloured lights. Blue, green, red. When I told my boss, he and his wife laughed about it.

There's a place called dinosaur valley near my town, and I was thinking of visiting it. Apparently they had discovered dinosaur bones and fossils there. Now, I'm not sure if I still want to go. It would be traumatizing to find a dancing T-rex skeleton complete with multi-coloured disco neon lights...

Lecture 2 - Is it Love or Something Else?

Spoke to someone who has been here for a year and learnt from her that the crunch of moving into a new culture only comes later, a few months after arriving when things no longer seem to be novel anymore. That's the time when complains come and things around become irritating. Sounds like a relationship, lol. Hence, my 'adapting' now isn't that great a thing, it's just that I haven't reached that stage yet.

The next series of lectures are on what true love is, and why true love waits. The links to HIV are obvious. And as expected, the first lecture this evening seen a great turn-out, filling almost the entire lecture theatre. We had skits in the lectures to portray 'counterfeit love', and because the female actress, a staff, was too shy to play in a particularly embarrassing skit (she was already having trouble playing the girlfriend of the male staff), guess who had to take over? I can say this is the worse situation after the famed matrix robbery. I have to do this 3 more times... and our boss said he'll have his wife bring a camera, or even a video cam... I can't access youtube here, for some reason, so hahaa, you won't get to see it.

It's might not be a surprise to note that more than 2 thirds of the lecture attendees were female. And also, just this morning, the female staff asked our visitors, a married couple, to give a talk on how to find a mate, within His will of course. We guys had a lesson as well, and indeed, I learnt something new.

Can't wait to get another shot at climbing up a mountain which I only managed less than half last friday!

One of the staff commented that all the good guys seem to be outside the C family while those who are in the kingdom aren't good ones. Thinking about it, perhaps it's quite true, and perhaps I know why. How bout you, what do you think?

Funny how there's so many things I want to do yet when I'm back at home, I'll just sit myself in front of the comp, rest my hand on the mouse and stare at the pretty colours on the monitor.

I want to go fishing! Hahaa. A classmate reminded me of the advantages when you're sitting in front of the pole waiting for something to take the bait. It's a time to pause and reflect, a time to spend time with Father, a time to sit down and enjoy the scenary.

He also gave his 2 cents on why people work and work. It's a good way to push all other things out of the mind. Problems, unanswerable questions, relationships with other people. In his words, it's a selfish way of escape from other things. Things which I feel have more worth than work. Though it gives satisfaction (sometimes), more often than not, it just takes you away from everything else. Of course, this can apply to anything which you decide to throw yourself fully into. This is my philosophy, do everything in moderation, which I learnt recently was the main philosophy of the Chinese as well. There is of course one thing, or rather one person, that you can always want more and more of, but that is because He is the one controlling how much you see of Him, and He won't let you have more than what you can take.

I've decided to try to do a little study on one of the books. It's part of a collection of books that the the author of How to Read the B calls the wisdom books. I've always been very interested in those books, especially this particular one. Just one phase and I think you'll know what it is: "vanities of vanities", or in my translation, "meaningless, meaningless" hahaa. Now you know why my thoughts and posts are swaying towards that area. It's actually a more hopeful book that it initially seems.

Thanks for those who told me they miss me. Hahaa, even if it weren't true, it still feels good nonetheless, lol. To be honest, I didn't think my disappearance would make any difference. Thanks to those who came to send me off, and thanks also to those who can't but sent their wishes!

It's ironic, but it seems that we, who were told to rest find the least time to do so. Working (or studying) from Monday to Friday, and sometimes Saturday, and come the weekends, we have much more things to do. There's always one more thing to do, one more area to serve in, one more person to talk to. Where do we find the time to slow down, reflect and truly rest without letting our minds run off to the things we have yet to (and never will) finish?

Even here, I find myself looking for things to keep me occupied with, and find it really tough when I have nothing to do. I'll log on the net, surf around, look around the office for something to keep me occupied with, and only with effort do I try to pause and reflect, though it's getting a bit easier. I fear going back, when I'll be trapped in the same rat race all over again. That is, unless I can develope the habit here to do so with discipline. Yes, even resting requires discipline.

Not just us back in sg, but for the people here as well. No wonder we are burnt out. No wonder we gradually forget why we are doing all this. No wonder we cease to become human beings and become human doings...

Sunday

Did what we usually did on Sundays back at home, except this time it's at the homes of other people. Went for a local and international one. The local one was more sit and listen, unlike the international one, which was a study on Mark.

The international ones were workers from different countries, and their discussion, though starting from simple questions, led to deep discussion. The focus of discussion wasn't what we could get out or learn from it, but to understand and know Him more. As the leader put it, devotion came out of the word devote, that is to be ardently dedicated to a person, loyal to a person, in love with a person. Time spent with Him is not for us to read and find fault with ourselves, to change ourselves, but to grow in love with Him and let Him change us from within. I guess the workers are all theo trained? Makes me feel like taking up part time like Susanto kept encouraging me to, following Uncle Mark's footsteps? Hahaa.

And this answers my question after I read How to Read the B For All It's Worth given to me by Uncle Mark. After learning to study it, it seems everything must be used in context and hardly seems applicable. Probably, like what the leader suggested, finding something to apply need not always be the goal of the reading.

I realised what I said a few posts back might seem to suggest service is the ultimate goal. By no means. Service is good, and you'll definitely mature from it, but the most important thing is still the first and second commandment. You guys know that from the camp we just had. You guys are ready, and that is why I encourage you to step up. But NEVER ever forget Him.

In case you're confused by my posts, most of the pictures are back dated. I'm in Dali now. So here's my 'home' for the rest of my time here. This is my tiny little room. Hahaa.

This is a rack loaned to me by a fellow Singaporean. My things were all over the floor that's why no pics for you before this, hahaa. I got the mug, the tissue paper and even coffee from her too! Hahaa.

The other end of the room. The office's medicine cupboard. You can see the edge of the bed at the lower left corner.

Where I use my computer.

Oh, it's cleaner than it looks. But it runs on solar powered water heater. So cloudy day = no warm water = cold shower in a cold evening =S

Discipline and Servanthood

I enjoy being able to just sit around and listen to the wealth of wisdom of the adults in their conversation. As they talked about the things they do and went through, the topic shifted to the military. They're not all Singaporeans, so I guess it's not just us that talk about NS? Hahaa.

The key thing was servant leadership and how it inspires the men to serve the commander. But how often is that practiced even in the cooperate world, let alone uniform groups? You know how leadership works in this world. Authority is not earned by respect, but by fear.

Which leads me to another thought. Discipline is part and parcel of our lives. Spending time with Father, reading and studying His Word, watching our own thought patterns and actions and steering them to be more and more like His aren't simple matters. They require discipline. When the enemy attacks, is our training enough to help us overcome or will we fall? Our Father helps, that's true, but we still need to play our part.

To my brothers back at home in Bethany:

I'm glad Amos has taken the step to lead a group and Larry has willingly joined the comm. All of us however has a role to play in the family and that is why each of us has to step up and take the lead when there's a need. Our sisters have been doing most of the work and they are doing a good job, but I'm sure they would like to see you guys come up as well. Don't be afraid that you aren't able to do it or that there are better people for the job. What is needed is a willing person. Nothing kills the man in you like passiveness.

Take your faith seriously. It doesn't matter where you stand now as long as you are willing to move on. Start serving and you'll be surprise how much you can grow. Watch what you do cause people are looking at you. No matter your age (unless you're an infant), there are people younger and they will be looking at you (yes, I'm talking to you who think you're to young to be leaders). No matter what, you're a leader in some way. Our uncles, we need more than just your advise on how to do things. Sometimes, we need you to show us. And don't forget, your sons are looking at you too.

Amos, watch your group. Especially those who have not had a father to look up to. This may be stressful to you, but you're the father in those cases. Always lead them back to the Father and do your best to care for them. You're already doing a good job, keep at it. Watch the amount of things you take up and don't overload yourself. Remember to study as well, that is your testimony as a student. Start training someone to assist you.

Ben, train up people to have the commitment and discipline you have each Sunday morning. Build a team to lighten your load. Glad you got Amos and Kevin Ku to help.

Kelvin, Samuel, Qing Long, Jason, you guys are ready. Keep growing and always be ready to give what you can. There is no such thing as 'not good enough' with the Father if you give off your best. And there is no such thing as a perfect servant. I have tonnes of flaws if you guys haven't noticed.

That was longer than I intended it to be, Letter to Bethany? Hahaa.

Uncle Mark or David or anyone, if there's anything that is wrong in anyway, please tell me.

China sun for Jason :p

There weren't stars in the night sky in China though, kind of disappointing...